I understand the idea that this is a bad thing, truly I do. That the previous way of doing things leads to the shame and the shame leads you to stop fucking that person who doesn’t care if you live or die. I get it! But, as someone who seems to exist in a constant state of embarrassment, I can say with absolute certainty, it stops nothing. Or, it stops none of the things you would actually benefit from not doing — like fucking the guy who always makes you get your own uber home. Ironically, the shame only seems to stop you from doing the things that enrich your soul, that challenge the ego (in a good way), but anyway.

It feels pertinent to add that from being made privy to the nitty-gritty of everyone else’s situationships (thanks again TikTok!), I can see that they are just relationships with the front door ajar. You get the intimacy, the friendship, often the romance in the shape of future-gazing ( it costs less than a candlelit dinner) with the contingency that when it all gets a bit much, or a sweet shiny new thang crosses your path, you can exit guilt-free with the SituationshipStockLine™ “we were never really together anyway” or some variation to that effect. This can only be accomplished by virtue of the sanctioned ambiguity of these things. Because as we know, clarifying questions like, “what are we?”, or confessing that it hurts your feelings that they never post pictures with you are classic situationship faux pas.

Situationships always seem to connote a type of secrecy which I find interesting and terribly tragic. That’s something Shakespeare, Hayley Williams and I seem to have in common. In fact, you could argue that Romeo and Juliet, The Love Story, is simply a story about a failed - or successful depending on your perspective - situationship. They cannot claim each other out loud for fear of the negative social repercussions, yet this doesn’t halt their feelings. Juliet’s “what’s in a name” therefore is less so a question as it is a declaration. If Romeo were not called Montague, they would be able to publicise their relationship but it would not change who they are. It would not change innately how they feel about one another as it didn’t in the reverse.

Now, humour me. Whilst I do think there are modern-day Romeo and Juliets out there who genuinely love each other but won’t publicly acknowledge it for fear of either loss of social currency or genuine societal trammel, I would argue there are far more Romeo and Rosalines. He likes her, sure, that’s why he keeps her around (albeit in secret), but he drops her as soon someone better comes along. Such is the age old tale of the situationship.

In her single Good' Ol’ Days, Hayley Williams speaks about this idea of secret love, seeming to draw inspiration from her own experiences. Exemplified most when she sings,“When I was secret you kept me” and “You could call me Miss Paramour”. Paramour, obviously being a homophonous nod to her band, whilst literally denoting a clandestine lover. Although this situationship did manage to graduate into something official, in her talks of missing this stifled flame, Hayley doesn’t discuss getting their official relationship back on track like one would expect. “Could sneak around like we’re on tour, even if that’s all you want me for.” suggests to me that she is willing to acquiesce to a position, to a life that she doesn’t even want as long as it means she still gets to be with him in some capacity.

It begs the question, why does anyone do it? Give themselves to a person in the most intimate of ways. Let them see you the way no one else gets to see you. Settle for never being claimed. My answer is, with the contextual backdrop of living in a digital age where we are exposed to the faces, bodies, presence of more people than we could ever hope to meet in our lifetime, that simply no one wants to be tied down. Fear marshals them, whispering fervently: “there could be something better around the corner, a swipe, a scroll away.” But this knowledge isn’t strong enough to negate the desperately human need to feel witnessed.

It goes both ways. Wanting more with someone but settling for whatever they give you, an acknowledgement that “I exist. Yes, I exist.” Conversely, thinking you want more with someone else but settling for what is in front of you for the time being. The second could hold out, alone, for that one perfect person. Or, they could have someone perfectly good and more importantly corporeal at the same time as they hold out for that mystical, intangible dream. I know what most people would choose. I know what most people do choose.

Two souls intertwine. Mine; yours.

Come close please. Don’t go

I creep along the walls.
All day I watch
crushing bodies, wrapping around each other, watering each other, drinking
each other in under
Ultraviolet light.
I am no wallflower, there is no delicacy to my structure, no air of mystery to
intrigue you.
I am invasive.
I crave light.
                        I go
                                 where
                                                      not
                                              am        wanted

                                                                          I never learn.
I live between the walls.
I am free. Spirit
And I am still knocking over plates so that you will
Look at me.
Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.
I’ll take what I can get.
At least now when you don’t see me
it’s not my fault.

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